Untitled

Been looking at houses lately. It’s kind of crazy to think that buying a house is the next step in my journey, but… here we are. I have been looking in my current city, but…the area is so questionable in places. Some areas are really nice while others scare me a bit. It’s refreshing to know that I can at least afford some of the houses for sale in this area. I thought for so long that I wouldn’t be able to afford a house at all, but… I think the scariest part is saving up a down payment.

After the wedding, we have to work our savings back up. Which isn’t so bad, and shouldn’t take too long. Honestly though, all these houses, I just want to build a house in the woods. A cozy little cabin next to a small river. With a nice porch that I can put a porch swing on. With comfy pillows and a little table that I can wheel out in front of me. Then I could write on it surrounded by the sounds of nature. So many of these houses are on busy streets or have neighbors right next to you… I don’t want to deal with any of that. I mean, sure, sometimes you can get lucky enough to have a nice neighbor, but…all the neighbors I’ve had haven’t been great. Especially at our last place in Ayer. They were constantly fighting and screaming and throwing stuff around… Ugh. I don’t want to remember that place.

But anyway. I feel like if I’m going to spend a bunch of money on a house, I want it to be somewhere that I feel I can settle down. I don’t want to buy a house only to uproot and want to sell it a few years later. I like the idea of buying a house in Vermont, or even somewhere in New Hampshire. Out there? I could get so much more bang for my buck. And, more chances of having a beautiful house somewhere in the woods. But…the only thing that kind of throws everything out is my job. They don’t allow full time remote employees so… I’m kind of stranded in Massachusetts. And I hate it here. Since we moved away from Connecticut I never really liked Massachusetts much. Everyone is in SUCH a hurry all of the time. Manners aren’t first instinct. And traffic is a JOKE. It’s also sooo expensive to live here. Which is why I live where I do. I can’t get any closer to my office without paying an obscene amount in rent. Which is crazy to me!

But…oh well. Until I can make some bigger moves, here we are. I’ll keep positive in the sense that I can control how I react to situations and if someone is rude to me, I can be polite back. Things will start looking up soon.

At least, one can dream.

Standing Alone

Look around.
Where are you?
Are you standing alone?
Or are you well known?

I never seem to really know,
Where I stand or where I will go.
All I fear is that I am standing alone.

When the dust settles and clears,
who will be here?
Life can be hard to navigate on your own,
And I try my best to be hard as stone.

All I hope is that at the end of the road,
I won’t be standing alone.

Through the Rose Bush – A Short Story

Bella desperately tried to catch her breath, finally coming to a stop in the woods. The piece of bread she’d stolen from the local market was clutched tightly to her breast. She couldn’t help herself. She was starved. If she didn’t have food soon she knew that she wouldn’t last the night. Bella hated stealing. Hated how it made her feel. Hated how it felt like everyone was watching her. Judging her.

But she had no choice. She pulled the long baguette to her lips and took a large bite, the soft, grainy texture filled her mouth. She let a heavy breath out through her nose, immediately feeling a slight relief. Hunger was something that she’d been familiar with her entire life but that never made it any easier to deal with. As she swallowed she could feel the bread gently settling in her stomach, soothing the pain and quiet rumble. She looked over her shoulder as she took another bite, half afraid that the shop keep was going to find her and drag her to city guard. Label her a thief. She dropped her shoulders in relief as she was met with nothing but the sounds of the forest.

That was until she heard voices. Distant, but drawing near. She immediately crouched, clutching what was left of her powdered treasure back to her chest. Someone was coming. She swallowed her fear — and her mouth full of bread — and carefully stepped towards a large rose bush, peeking through the branches. Two men were approaching what looked like a garden. Panic struck her as she finally realized where she was. She was just outside the kingdom!

“Lord Silas, please…You know how important this ball is to your Father. He’d be devastated if you weren’t in attendance.” Silas sighed, crossing his arms and taking a seat on a cast iron bench.

“I’ll think about it, Augusto. Since Amelia passed these parties just seem so…pointless. Please just…leave me be. I need to be alone…” Bella watched carefully through the branches and flowers. Augusto bowed softly, turning on a heel and retreating towards the giant castle in the distance. Silas sighed harshly, pressing his fingers to his temple and squeezing his eyes shut. Bella looked down at her feet, somehow feeling more guilty for spying on this man than stealing the bread. Yet still, she found herself peeking through the branches once more.

“Amelia, darling…you gave me strength. You gave me hope. You showed me beauty in things that I couldn’t see before…and now you’re gone.” Bella followed Silas’ glance to a tombstone. She rose her hand to her mouth, feeling her eyes tear up. “When you left this world…you took a piece of me with you, dear…Rest in peace, my darling…” Bella felt her breath catch in her throat and she stepped backwards, pinning her long brown skirt under her foot and snapping a twig as she regained her balance. She watched in slow motion as her bread tumbled to the forest floor. Both hands covered her mouth and panic filled her chest.

She only hoped that she couldn’t be seen…through the rose bush.

Through the lens

Through the lens it all may seem,
like everyone else has it better and we have envy green.

But that’s all it is — life behind the glass.
We see what they want us to see, but soon it will all pass.

What matters isn’t what displays on the screen,
it’s what’s left when you put down your rectangle shaped machine.

It’s the sky, the grass, the air, and the breeze
It’s the mountains, the rivers, and the seas.

Take a second, breathe and open your eyes
and don’t get caught up in their world of lies.

What happens is not what you see through the lens,
but it’s life that happens when you let go and cleanse.

signature

Fog

The days are getting shorter,
the mornings are dark and cold.
The leaves are falling from the trees,
and a fog covers the fields.

The ground is stiff and the grass is froze,
I can see my breath in the breeze,
and the color of red on your nose.

We laugh as we complain about the chill,
reminiscing about the summer heat.
We huddle close in the nights,
and share our warmth in the sheets.

The fog may be thick,
and the air may be cold,
the trees may be bare,
but I’m so glad I have you to hold.

Warm

You bring a warmth to my life that was missing before.

The cold is somehow associated with the dark, but you bring a light and a love that I am blessed to feel every day.

You are my sunshine.

You are my light.

You are my life and you are my love.

I will be yours and you will be mine.

We’ll share our time and we’ll dedicate our lives.

I can’t wait to say I do, and watch every day as I fall more in love with you.

signature

I woke

I woke beneath the willow tree.
The air was cold but the sun was warm.
I wondered where I could possibly be,
and if I had gotten through the storm.

The grass was wet,
but somehow I stayed dry.
Perhaps I hadn’t really woke up yet.
When I was finally able to stand, I looked up to the sky.

The sun was shining like a normal day,
But something felt strange.
I felt like I had been swept away,
Although I felt scared I was enjoying the change.

When I took a step I felt myself falling.
but I wasn’t afraid.
The sound of my alarm was calling.
Last night I remember I prayed.

For a life that was new,
For a moment that was magical.
As I settled back into bed I knew,
To always remain grateful.

Gold

Well good morning, Universe!

It’s been a while there, hasn’t it? Again. I know, I know….every time I go to write one of these I say it’s been a while. It’s not a lie, though. It has been a while! I miss writing entries but sometimes I just don’t know what to write about. Today, however, I feel like writing and using some time.

Lately, I’ve been missing Autumn. Today is August 11th. We’re still in the dead of summer, unfortunately. September is even known to have it’s hot days. However, Autumn is slowly starting to sneak it’s way in. I saw a leaf fall from the sky today and it sparked something in me. It sparked me missing scarves and sweaters….cuddling under blankets…Sipping on Pumpkin lattes. Going apple picking and baking pies. Decorations of bright reds and golds and beautiful browns.

The colors of Autumn are my favorite. I couldn’t ask for anything more beautiful when it comes to Autumn. The way the sun shines on the leaves on the ground and creates a beautiful gold hue…it’s breathtaking. The way the cold leaves a little bite on my nose and I can see my breath trailing in the distance. I miss all of that. So so much.

But it will be here before I know it. Time is going by so fast lately…Besides, come Autumn this year will only leave a year left before my wedding. My best friend is getting married in September 2018, just a month before I’m getting married. I can’t believe it. I feel like I have so much left to plan, but…I don’t really. I started my seating assignments, the save the dates are designed, we have the lanterns for the center pieces, and I don’t need much more than that.

We do need to book the venue which we still have to figure out. We have to put down $1500 to hold our day so…we have to come up with that money. But I’m confident that everything will work out. It usually does even though it seems like it may not. So…I’m taking each day as it comes. One day at a time. One breath.

But soon my blog name will even be here! Cold Sunday Mornings. When I can wake up slow…look outside as the leaves roll down the street…enjoy a cup of coffee in slippers and over sized sweaters. Even dreaming about it is making me nostalgic. But…like I said, it’ll be here before I can blink.

Also! Fall means that it’s time for Ren Faires. This year the Mr. and I are going to the Connecticut Ren Faire. We may still go to King Richard’s even though last year I was very disappointed in them. I won’t go into detail but it was…it was bad. But I love the buildings and the general vibe of King Richard’s. The Connecticut Ren Faire is pretty much in an open field with tents as I understand it, so…it might not be as exciting.

We’ll see! So many good things to come. So many things to look forward to.

I hope to share it here.

signature

 

In touch

Hello Universe.

No short story today, just some thoughts from the mind of me. Perhaps I’ll come up with another short story this week to continue the adventures of dream me, but for now I’m going with my thoughts today.

I want to be more in touch with nature. I’ve become so…tech-ized? That seeing the beauty of our worlds seems…out of reach. I think it has to do with where I live at the moment but that might just be an excuse. There are hiking trails around me and we don’t live far from New Hampshire where there are great trails. But I can’t seem to make myself go to them.

I work in an office, I come home, and immediately go to my “home office” which is my desk and computer. I find the wilderness in my video games more realistic and beautiful than the beauty in my real world. And that’s crazy! Because the real world has so much beauty to share but here I am…staring as a McDonald’s cup rolls across the street. Or I look up and see a raccoon digging through the trash that our neighbor refuses to put in a trash can. That might be why I see artificial beauty more than the beauty of the real world. Because humans treat it like one giant trash can.

Just the other day, the Mr. and I went to a local beach in New Hampshire. There was trash EVERYWHERE. I’m not just saying that. I literally mean, every where. The Mr. was laying in the sand and I had to pick a piece of plastic off of him that blew by. There were about a thousand napkins in the water and seagulls were pecking at plates covered in pizza sauce. Reflecting back on that situation it was…horrifying. I can do my best to clean up the trash that I see, but…I can’t do that for the 7 Billion people in the world.

As a human race we need to be better. The earth is our home. And we need to leave it in a better condition than when we arrived. For our children and for our children’s children. How many studies have been done on how plastic bottles are the bane of life and yet EVERYONE still uses them. They’re still being sold. I don’t understand how we’ve let our world go so, so, horribly wrong. How can someone care so little to throw their McDonalds bag out on the side of the road?

I literally can’t fathom how that is okay to someone. I would NEVER throw my trash anywhere but in the trash where it’s meant to go. I can’t understand how someone could literally care so little to just…throw their garbage away on the road. Let it be someone else’s problem. If everyone had that mindset, we’d be living in a dump. Hell…we already are.

It’s so disheartening to see what the world has become. But that being said…I’m going to do my part to make it better. I’m going to look into recycling more. Maybe look into town clean-up events. I might be one person…and you might think, how could one person possibly make a difference? Because I know it’s not just me that cares about this. There are others. Other people that might be out there thinking the same thoughts. Thinking and preparing to clean up our world. And if just one person here or there starts to get the ball rolling, who knows…maybe, just maybe…We can make a difference.

Let’s be better, Universe.

Let’s be better.

signature